Hi Friends,
In response to some recent tragic murders and suicides in the Omaha community God laid on my heart to share a few things. This writing contains some difficult content which may not be appropriate for young children, use discernment please.
I remember the day very clearly, somewhere in the vast Indian ocean onboard the USS Cleveland for months. I had carefully chosen a dead end spot alongside the main deck of the ship where nobody went. I sat watching the occasional signs of sea life but mostly staring into the endless ocean. In a ship with roughly a thousand men onboard I felt as isolated and alone as someone on a deserted island and I intended to end my life.
At the time I did not have a clear picture of why I did not carry out my suicidal plans, nor did I have a good understanding of the addictions and fears I was running from. I began to realize that the only way forward for me was to step away from that dark, desperate place and to establish my existence on things that are true, trustworthy in all times, a substantial foundation. Please let me share with you a couple things that might give you hope.
You are beloved
While this letter is open to all, I am speaking just to you right now, wherever and whoever you are. You are loved. Imperfectly for sure, but I love you. I do not know your suffering and despair but I have walked with my own and I care for you. Oh friend, please hear my heart because there is something out there which is so much greater. I have come to know someone who loves you more perfectly, more thoroughly than I could ever do. His love is not based on your performance or your failures. Jeremiah 1:5 says “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I set you apart”. Another way to look at it is that God made you special. You are so immensely valuable. He says later (Jer 29:11) that He has good plans that give you hope and a future and God has demonstrated the depth and type of love he has for you (Romans 5:8). Your life has meaning, not because of what you have done or how you have failed, but because there is a God who loves you.
You are not alone
When I was in the Navy I started using OTC meds and porn as a way to self medicate anytime I felt lonely or abandoned. There are plenty of different ways of being inwardly focused on your own pleasure, chasing experiences and thrills, drugs, porn, romance novels, searching for the perfect makeup or clothing to make you feel beautiful, these are not healthy and wholesome ways to find the sense of connection you need. Turning to isolating behavior only reinforces the feelings of loneliness.
To be brutally honest here I still struggle in this area because real connection and genuine relationships require an element of risk, the risk of being fully known and rejected as not worthy of love. God intended you to be in community with people but even today it feels risky and vulnerable to put myself into a position where people could wound me. It is difficult to take that risk, so I started by taking that risk with God. It took me a long time to put these pieces together and I am still learning but these are verses that speak truth to me.
Jeremiah 29:13-14. 13 “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart I will be found by you,” declares the Lord.
God is not some big jerk in the sky trying to avoid you or waiting for you to mess up, He makes himself available to you.
Psalm 34:18 “God is near to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”.
The character of this God is that He cares for the wounded, the lonely and helpless. He sees all of you, where you are.
Amos 5:4 “This is what the Lord says to Israel: “Seek me and live.””
My greatest source of consolation is a God who cares for me, even when I am struggling with the weight of my failures and wounded heart.
Hebrews 10:25 “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near”
It is important that when things are getting tough that you dig in your heels a bit and seek genuine, honest relationships with solid people who hold to God’s truth.
Desperate people do desperate things.
For years I dealt with sexual advances and harassment by coworkers and fellow military and I felt alone, abandoned. As a reaction I ruthlessly smothered my artistic and craftsman bent, I started consuming porn and worked to change my bearing and appearance to become a caricature of a “real man”: a hardened braggadocio who was never afraid, who couldn’t care less, who could not be wounded and was never taken advantage of. Slowly I was dragged into my own trap, hating the person I was becoming and yet powerless to change. Many of my colleagues resorted to alcohol and women, some were addicted to ambition, some went psychotic, some ended their lives, and I was no different. Just like a cornered animal, desperate people take desperate measures. But just maybe there is hope in desperation.
In the days that followed my closest call with suicide I thought very hard about Hebrews 11:6 “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” (ESV) At the time I hated God for allowing this pain in my life and not protecting me from bad things and people, but as I considered the verse more carefully I came to realize maybe the god I was following was not quite the God of the Bible. What is absent in this verse speaks loudly to me: the verse did not say “do these 10 things if you want to come to God” but rather that the person who draws near to God need not have their stuff together or have all the answers ironed out. In other words, coming to God was not conditional on my performance. It was this seed of hope that allowed me to explore who the real God was and to see if He could be trusted.
I need to say this clearly because a lot of people talk like they “feel your pain” because one time in elementary school they messed up, but now that they got right with God they have complete awesomeness all the time, it has been constant wins ever since. This has not been my experience. I still struggle with feelings of hopelessness and have bouts of depression and loneliness, it requires real effort for me not to isolate and self medicate. I have come to understand that there is only one place, one person who offers a type of life that He calls abundant. The reason I follow Jesus wholeheartedly is because of the grace He freely offers. I can come to Him without needing to clean up my act first or have all my stuff together and for this reason I have hope that I can be fully known and still loved.
Chester Davis, 2025